WANDERING | FOCUS

I'm participating in the Reverb 10 project.

I want to write more. Figured this would be a great way to do so.

The first day's prompt (I'll be playing catchup, no doubt for a bit here):

December 1 - One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

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As of December 6, 2010 at 12:45 a.m., I’ve determined that WANDERING is 2010 in one word.

I thought of others, but they are all kind of specific to my current state (which right now is exhausted). But it’s difficult to think about the rest of the year. I need to kick it into gear if I continue through this project. And that’s the thing: my mind wanders.

I also wandered to Chicago and back in February for my first attempt at grad school auditions. I meandered through those knowing it was for the experience and figuring out what I need. I’ve got a greater sense of what that is.

I wandered from one extreme role to another in terms of acting.

I’ve wandered back and forth from this tiny town to the bigger Cities.

I’ve kind of been wandering to and fro from some friends (for better or worse).

Given my age, I’m in the midst of prime wandering times.

Yeah, things are a bit aimless when you think about this word. This isn’t to say that my life hasn’t had any structure or rooting. But it’s been a bit unfocused—more than I’d like to admit, I think.

My inability to articulate things is frustrating. I’d like to take a stronger grasp on definition and clarity for 2011. That leads me to the word I’d love to say for 2011 come this time next year: FOCUS

That word suggests something less elusive. I aim to hone on what I’m doing and give it the proper attention and devotion it may deserve, whether that’s office work or rehearsal or auditioning.

This isn’t to say that 2010 has been a gobbledygook wash. But I just can’t put my finger on this year as a whole. If I weren’t so deprived of sleep and had other work to do, I think I’d be able to do a better job at recalling the triumphs and trials. But at the moment, it’s hard for me to pinpoint and major highlights or lows.

To generalize, I suppose we have a fixation about crafting labels and categorizing them—especially this time of year. Usually, I resist that kind of classification. I don’t think this year has been any better or worse than 2009.  But with more careful FOCUS, this kind of nebulous, airy nature may disappear. In its place, something more concrete and absolute may appear. Of course, I don’t want it to fall prey to rigidity. That wouldn’t be good either.

Egad, this whole post is WANDERING!