Due to a rather erratic schedule, I pick up serving shifts whenever I can at the restaurant. Today is the theatre company's day off, but I ended up working 7 hours as a server. It was kind of trying. A swell of customers all seem to walk in at the same time. I was serving senior citizens all day, and they had a lot of special orders and needs. For the most part, I enjoy serving. It's fast-paced and has quite a bit of variety. But the thing that is most difficult is when someone throws a kink into your groove. I start to get sloppy and end up having multiple tasks and orders to juggle at the same time. I've got to get better at completing something and then moving on to the next thing. Of course, not everyone realizes that. Then I've got a couple who wants to chat, and I'm happy to chat with them. Another random guy is asking about real estate businesses in the area.
That's the one thing I HATE about living in a small town. I'm expected to know everything about the goings on in the town. It never fails when I'm walking down the streets, working the box office, or waiting tables. I rarely know the answers and I feel embarrassed when I don't. Pretty soon, I won't be able to use the excuse that "I'm new here."
Anyway (I'm getting into an extended analogy, so bear with me).
As I was saying, if something interrupts the flow of what I'm doing at the restaurant, I can get off track and start going a little batty. I have to remember not to snap at people (not that I do, but I started to play those conversations in my head while making more decaf coffee) and to take extra breaths. My being frazzled or annoyed is not going to help the other tables that have been plenty amiable.
This gets me thinking about performing. We've recently had some audience issues. Some people put their feet on the stage. One man was just standing in the vom for ten minutes. People text. People cough a lot. People talk constantly, as if they're watching tv. It's all very irritating. This isn't to say that I'm ungrateful or wish people would never cough. Some of it can't be helped. I'm inclined to believe that many people have reasons for their actions that are completely justified in their minds (that's what's so great about acting). Sometimes, we have slipups. My phone has gone off in too many classes to count. I appreciate audiences so much. I truly do. But there have been some performances of late that have caused all the guys in the dressing room to say: "what is going on out there?!"
One particular show I had my head in about thirty different places, and it resulted in a strange performance that I could not stop thinking about while I was performing.
I realize that I'm a very "heady" actor. I approach things too intellectually sometimes. I become aware that I'm not quite "there" in the middle of a performance, and I start to freeze up. I cannot expect that it's impossible to alleviate those feelings and thoughts. What I do hope is that I can quickly transfer to what's at stake on stage. I give myself a mental slap in the face, but that doesn't seem to work all the time. This doesn't happen with great frequency. I expect it is bound to happen every now and again, especially after doing 50+ performances of something. Still, it's worrisome. I hope I can whisk away the whole, "you're not living as your character right now, so just do it." Because it's not that easy to convince yourself that.
In the morning, I can tell myself: "you should be up and eating breakfast so you won't be late for work." But until I actually roll out of bed, inaction is what's happening--and that's not very eventful.
4 comments:
It even happens to Hugh Jackman -- opening night on Broadway last night -- he had to tell someone in the audience to turn off their cell phone. You're in good company!
I'm not a actor (just popped over from 20sb), so this was kind of fascinating for me to read. I have a similar get-in-the-moment feeling during yoga class.
I used to "overthink" roles throughout college days...found myself in the same situation--I totally froze with memory and it felt like a century. I remember that the more I tried to recall the lines or blocking or cues, the more frantic I got...thankfully, fellow cast covered and I somehow recovered, but that was the most fearful moment!
Funny how distracted I get these days...too much going on? Who knows. I just know I prefer directing now, little fearful my life is too full to be memorizing lines and blocking! :) And, hey, add in 20 more years of life decisions, and frankly, I am just too old to concentrate on lines anymore! :)
Love the blog. Great work, Tim.
But this isn't quite a line thing (and I'm not sure if that's clear in the post). This is: why the heck did this thought just come into my head while I'm on stage and supposedly "in character." It feels completely dishonest, rude, and it's hard to get out of the rut of over-thinking it.
Of course, there have been the occasional line snafu. We just roll with it--even after doing the same show 50 times.
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