I'm content sitting at the kids' table

In late December, I remember hoping to become more actively engaged in the communities I'm a part of. I'm especially talking about the social media/theatre landscape.There's a lot of buzz on 2am theatre and bloggers galore. Most recently, people are freaking out over supply/demand and Michael Kaiser.

Part of me really does care about this stuff. It's interesting to me. It's exciting to know people are discussing and building a great sense of community through Twitter. I'm only 24, but I think I have something to offer to the theatre landscape (mostly as an actor, but I also work in marketing for the same company where I act). I do my best to interject, but I just don't even know where to butt my head in. It would require more research and time. Mostly, I just skim and keep myself as informed as time allows.

Of course, I'd love to be a part of it all. I just can't.

A week ago--maybe even a few days ago I would bemoan this fact. I want to be a part of this cool club I admire. My hesitation on one hand is the need for more experience. And on the other, fear that what I may have to say will get RIPPED TO SHREDS. (I'm working on that).

Today, I realized I just don't have the time to worry about this. I also don't have time to chime in and actively keep up with it all.

I'm too busy doing the stuff that I care about (rehearsing, promoting, etc.) to complain about broken systems, injustices, and rash, sweeping generalizations that the world of theatre embraces.

But honestly, what do these debates do to help me in my work for An Enemy of the People? Or designing an upcoming poster for an apprentice project? I'm also pursuing an MFA candidacy with some schools right now. I'm anxiously/eagerly awaiting word from them. If I do start up with a program in 2011, there's no way that I can worry about keeping tabs, commenting, and writing my own manifestos.

I want to give thumbs up to those who do speak out and actively engage in the conversation. It's fascinating to read. (Input is my number one strength according to StrengthsFinder 2.0, by the way). I applaud everyone (I wish I could name/link them all right now, but there are far too many).

At the moment, I'm happy to just sit at the kids' table at Thanksgiving and let the "adults" have their turn. I may join in, but I think it's senseless to beat myself up about this state of passivity. I've got my hands stirring too many pots at the moment.

The Final Day in Chicago ( long bulleted list)

While in Chicago I have:

• Witnessed a few nutso people on public transit systems. I am not a public transport kind of guy. I have a car, and used it all the time in the Twin Cities (not that they have an exquisite system). But in the past couple days, I've been navigating the L with aplomb. I even took the bus from Downtown State Street to the University of Chicago late last night--all has gone without a hitch.
• Had three interviews for three programs I would most definitely attend in a heartbeat. Two of them were much more engaging than the one, but I was able to pump out some surprising spontaneous moments--moments that I'm not sure where they came from (except organically in the situation). I pride myself in adaptability and a go-with-the-flow kind of discipline. I don't get bogged down in ritual when it comes to acting and preparation (although I have been doing A LOT more stretching and physical warming up.
• Been annoyed with some actors in the waiting rooms. This isn't a new development to anyone in the business.
• Received some great comments from my screening round. For my first contemporary piece, a judge said "simple, connected, good active discoveries." For my Shakespeare: "very nice partner attention, text clear and specific." WOO HOO!
• Have been moved to the final round of URTA auditions. I was in the same boat last year. Last year, I bombed them. I was too self-conscious, disoriented by the space (a WEIRD stage). This year, the room is much more managable and intimate, which is great for my pieces. I just can't blow this final audition out of proportion. I just have to keep at a nice steady trajectory that I've been on for the past two days. Because I want a lot of callbacks/interviews today
• That being said, I've had some great interviews already (as mentioned before). I just don't want to bank on the very, very few eggs I've placed.
• I'm trying not to obsess right now. I've done some work emails this morning. I caught up on Google Reader (over 160 blog posts and other entries--I did a lot of skimming).
• My sense of anxiety, tension, and nerves are supremely diminished this year. I'm so glad I did these last year. I get the great sense that they have prepared me in ways I can't even imagine. You'd be surprised how comforting it is to know the layout of a hotel this time around. Wabash Avenue is also familiar.
• My sense of using a scene partner and using their reactions (or non reactions) effectively has grown in monologue work. On the flipside, I have come to crave working with someone else on stage. I've had the great fortune of using recruiters as partners (per their request) and bouncing my reactions off of what they give me (isn't that what acting is anyway?). None of my preparation has been acutely refined or blocked and that is a relief.
• My pieces are way better choices than last year.
• I'm FREEZING in Chicago. 
• Attended "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" at the Steppenwolf last night. It was exquisite, acerbic, hilarious, and haunting. I was moved to near-tears when Honey became hysterical (George tells a "story" of his second novel that mirror's the whole reason Nick got married to Honey in the first place: she was knocked up). What. A. Play. And what a cast. Tracy Letts and Amy Morton were dazzling (so were the other Nick and Honey actors).
• I could ramble much more. I should head off in an hour. I may try to find some headphones. Mine are busted.

Note To Self: Deep Breaths

I have just spent the better part* of 45 minutes writing in my rehearsal and performance schedule for AN ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE. I also began working on the LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS schedule.

I had a mini panic attack.

Anyway, It's come to my conclusion that yours truly has very little free time for the rest of the winter, spring, and summer. Fall is completely undecided, but I have a strong feeling that will be insane-o too (I'll find out in March).

I've got 6 performances over the next four days for The Odyssey.
After that I'm off to Chicago for URTAs and some other grad school interviews.
The week after that, I'm back to the grindstone in Lanesboro and we begin ENEMY rehearsals.

I'm not complaining, I'm just coming to terms with the reality of my schedule. My roles in ENEMY and LITTLE SHOP are rather substantial (Hovstad and Seymour, respectively).

I'm anxious and eager (mostly eager). I'll just have to be extra diligent with time management and organization (which has been failing me a bit as of late).

I'm also going to have to cut out coffee once the sun sets.

*Where did this phrase come from? What does it even mean?